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Call Me By Your Name (2017)


About a couple weeks ago I caught a new music video by Sufjan Stevens uploaded on the Pitchfork Youtube channel. I thought, OOOOH NEW SUFJAN STEVENS! Is he coming out with a new album? But, actually, it was an original song from the Call Me By Your Name soundtrack. I hadn’t heard any buzz about this movie; however, the music video was intriguing enough to me that I wanted to check the movie out in theaters. Also, you could say Sufjan did some convincing as well.

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Natatandaan mo pa ba?

Back then, uso pa noon ang Friendster at Yahoo Messenger.BUZZ! 

We met up for the first time on my trip during Fiesta time sa hometown natin and you brought your friend along to celebrate. Kuya was straggling along with us. AS ALWAYS. Siya ang bodyguarddiba? He would never stop teasing you about this and about that. And, word on the street is…he still hasn’t stopped. Hahaha!

Our time together before the New Year was brief. But we would reunite at your place. I had visited your house at least twice before, at age 3 and 15. However, it wasn’t until this visit that made me realize just how beautiful your part of the province was. The beach, albeit filled with rocky, dirty sand, became the place of solace for me. The path to the beach from your house was still made of dirt and it only took less than a minute to get there. You, me, and Kuya would jump along the rocks, crossing little streams, and watch the sun set as we chat about anything from the silly and mundane to the proverbial. As I graduated from adolescence, never had I felt so free from my worries. And you know how much I worried.

This was the time when we went fishing at the fish pond. My first time and the last time I ever went fishing. We took our Tupperware of bait and our sticks attached to long strings and sat at our own posts around the pond. I sang, Sittin’  on the dock of the bay, watchin’ the tide roll away. I was so excited when I finally caught a fish that I did my little dance. Kuya took a picture of my first catch but it ended up being a short video of me dancing. I still have the footage. We must’ve caught at least half a dozen fish, which ended up being our dinner. Afterwards, we washed and gutted the fish. You and Tita also rolled lumpiang shanghai (y’all know what’s my favorite!) and sushi. The night had arrived and you stayed with us at the barebones lodging closer to the city. We brought the food we cooked and also bought ourselves a large bag of fresh balut and feasted in our room.

I spent my last few nights in the busy city and you and Kuya merrily tagged along. I was supposed to meet up with someone that my friend from Virginia introduced me to but we simply couldn’t find the time. For some reason, all I remember us eating was cheap convenience store food for our meals, such as instant microwaveable Ramen and random tsitsirya. Otherwise, I was fine just starving.

On my last night, we decided to purchase some cheap wine, pulutan, and marshmallows. We sat outside at a table located next to a restaurant that also included a karaoke bar blasting favorable music. With the marshmallows, I challenged you to a game of Chubby Bunny. You had never heard of the game before and I warned you beforehand that people had died playing the game. We would dip our marshmallows in wine before stuffing it into our cheeks while trying our hardest to refrain from laughter. The music from the restaurant was vibrating through the window pane. Linger” by The Cranberries started to play and I peeked through the curtains to see who was singing along to the song. I thought nothing could go wrong, but I was wrong, I was wrong. It was the only song I remember playing that night. During the whole trip. We would stay outside past midnight, laughing and hollering at our kalokohan, until it was time for me to prepare for my return to the States.

The world was still small. We were still carefree then.

Natatandaan mo pa ba?

This post is in memory of Dolores O’Riordan.
Rest In Power. Thank you for your music.

PatPat’s Top Songs of 2017 (…On Spotify)

According to Spotify, these are my top played songs of 2017. Check the list out! Disclaimer: It’s not a list of my most favorite songs of the year, just the most played on my Spotify account.

I also want to highlight some songs on the playlist that deserves more ears.

And I will gladly break it, I will gladly break my heart for you


Love the acoustic version as well!

I don’t even understand Korean but Oh Hyuk (the lead singer) is the real deal.

One of my favorite Pinoy bands of 2017. Looking forward to their first major project!

Beautiful. Just beautiful.


SMOOTH. The track is actually 2 songs. I love Noname’s ending verse on the second song.


LASTLY…I don’t know how many times I have played this BUT MY GAAAAAAAWD

2017 In Photos

Posted with little description. Not a comprehensive assortment of photos since I don’t always take pics but this will suffice. The only thing I want to point out is that I lost weight over the course of the year. 🙂

Also gonna plug the Instagram: patrickdsm



Sa Sinomang Makakabasa Nito…


October ??, 2017

It’s been a while since I took the time to write something down extensively. Not just jot down an idea or an unfinished thought like I do on a daily basis. But just write out what has been tugging on my mind lately. Remember when we would just blurt out what we felt on our online journals? I look back and read some of my old posts from other (hidden) blogs and I smile or shake my head at what I wrote. I presume what I will write on the next pages will lack any real direction, but anywho…

The weather has finally gotten cooler. I welcome the cold, even though I actually loathe it when it drops to freezing. This is the time of the year when I also become a bit more – I don’t know – down? They call it S.A.D. but I’m not so sure.

I should really be quite content with my life. I finally got a decent job and I am enjoying the company of  my workmates for once. They seem like a solid bunch of people. I can’t complain about having a nice-paying job, a car to drive, money in the bank, a roof over my head, two loving parents, a great education, etc. etc. etc. I am fully aware of the privileges I was born with and those of which I have gained. So I’m set, ain’t I?

And yet, in my heart, there always seems to be this unfillable void. Something lacking. Something I have been searching for the longest time. I know it’s there. At the same time, while I acknowledge this feeling, I feel selfish about it. To think that I possess a lot more than what the large majority of the inhabitants on this planet have, and yet, I still feel an emptiness. Someone tell me: is it wrong to feel this way? Does that make me a ‘bad’ person?

I pray about it. I feel like my internal dialogues or whenever I decide to speak out loud when I’m alone are also prayers to God. He’s supposed to be listening at all times. If somehow He could tell me what are the purest thoughts and intentions of my heart and mind. And let me pursue those things. I just want to know what it is I truly need, not what I want. What is the thing that will provide me peace of mind? I admit I don’t pray enough. But I’m always keeping others in my thoughts and prayers. ALWAYS.

I like to think that if I just keep doing good deeds, maybe that could remove the void. While it is something terribly difficult to do, I want to do things for others and expect nothing in return. Is that even possible? Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be? I mean, if you truly have a loving heart. Just do good. That’s what I tell myself. Eventually, whether on Earth or in Heaven, you will be given what is deserved. I tell myself Give praise when it is due. Give thanks when it is justified. Give when there is something to give. Give when there is none to give. 

Nothing that I just wrote got me closer to any truth. I just wanted to let you know that I feel this way. Not just right now, but often. You may not have any answers. There may actually be no answer. This may just be a struggle I must deal with. Forgive me if I sound silly or unappreciative of what life has offered me. I’m just glad you read it. My hand is getting a bit tired like my eyes are right now. I’ll end this here. Hey, I hope you take care.

Good night.