4AM thoughts.

The heart has been heavier lately. The brain has been exhausted. The feet aching. The eyes droopy.

Bish, don’t kill my viiibe. Bish, don’t kill my viiibe.

I think of what happened this past weekend in the state south of me. I think of how “the leader of the free world” has fostered this type of environment to allow these sad hooligans to come out of the woodwork. I pay attention on a daily basis to the obscene headlines, the offensive actions, repugnant tweets. It’s to the point of numbness, like from a lack of blood circulating to the extremities. Should anything be shocking to us anymore? We’ve seen what we’ve seen, the masks have been removed, and the person who we knew then is still the person we see today.

I tend to carry the weight of the world and the burdens of others on my shoulders. I know…it’s unnecessary and truthfully unhealthy. That’s just my biological makeup. But I – we – must maintain composure. It is these trying times when I feel useless if I don’t take action. I gotta do something about it. But what?

I have the urge to unplug myself from the electricity of social media and television (okay, DVRed shows). I’ve done it before several times. It’s sensory overload. Although these avenues are typically where I receive my entertainment and news, it’s become a bit too much. It’s a symptom of not having a full-time job. It’s what eats up a lot of my time. Maybe I just need a little alcohol in me.

I want to do more exciting things. I should go hiking more. I should learn how to DJ. I should edit these damn videos. I should read more books. I should be writing more. On the other hand, I feel guilty partaking in these pleasures because 1) I just want a job, at least a better-paying one, 2) My full-time job right now is getting a full-time job, and 3) I NEED MORE MONEY. Oh, October you can’t come soon enough.

Sobrang miss na miss ko kayong lahat. Araw-gabi. At sana, magkikita rin tayo ulit. Sa madaling panahon. At ngingiti kami. Tatawa kami. At magiging masaya kami. Hintayin mo na lang ako ha…

It would be nice to have a day where I could be totally irresponsible and forget my worries. Not report to my airport shift. Take a long road trip. BOSTON, ANYONE?! It’s been a while since I traveled. Oh, how I spoiled myself last year and the year before.

By the way, y’all…I just got hipped to Copeland this past week. How did I miss out on them? They would have fit perfect during my high school days. Been listening to their music all week. Which reminds me, I haven’t been to a concert in soooooo long.

I’m trying to get back to my pre-freshman 15 weight.
I actually don’t know what weight that was back then. But, basically, I’m trying to get to a respectable number on the scale. YA FEEL ME?

I’ll leave you with this:

We must take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Sometimes we must interfere. When human lives are endangered, when human dignity is in jeopardy, national borders and sensitivities become irrelevant. Wherever men and women are persecuted because of their race, religion, or political views, that place must – at that moment – become the center of the universe.

Elie Wiesel


Tomorrow, I’ll be fine again.

Songs of the moment

IV OF SPADES – Ilaw Sa Daan

Copeland – Erase

Elliott Smith – Strung Out Again

Don McLean – Vincent

One thought on “Sumulyap

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